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      color=#000033 size=+4><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 48px">My Statement To The

      World! (AKA My Online Journal.)</SPAN></FONT></B></TD>

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    <TD width=209 rowSpan=3><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14px">My name is Noel A.

      Bednaz and I have written this document because I have some important

      things to tell the world about myself. Since the fragile age of 7, I have

      lived in a world of pain. All I know is pain. I never really experienced

      true happiness. I am living a miserable existence which is not worthy of

      being classified as a life. Most recently, a man named Dennis decided it

      was time for me to lose my mere existence too and any chances for a happy,

      productive future. Dennis's Yahoo groups were getting attacked not too

      long ago and he blamed it all on me without just cause. He claims he had

      just cause but I disagree. I was set up to take the fall for someone else.

      I reported his groups for several Terms Of Service violations and as a

      result, all 13 of his groups were removed. He's on the war path against me

      because of it. He blames ME for all the foul things that were posted and

      it was NOT me. I have witnesses who can back me up on this. My first and

      last name was posted in the groups among other bad things and that is the

      reason why they were removed. I didn't do a damn thing wrong! Now, after

      having gone through 22 years of pain, I am forced to go through more pain

      because of Dennis's false allegations and hate towards me. He truly hates

      me. The way I see it, he would rather see me suffer for eternity rather

      than live the rest of my days in peace. I feel at this time, I would be

      better off dead. Dennis will NEVER leave me alone until I am dead. I'm

      already dead mentally and emotionally anyway. Once I am physically dead,

      he won't have me to kick around anymore. He will then have to seek out

      another sucker and I highly doubt he will ever find another one like me.

      He is currently using law enforcement and his slanderous website titled:

      "Internet Stalker: Noel Title Necessary" to make me suffer more. NONE of

      the statements on the site are true but Dennis has everyone believing the

      worst about me. Because of him, everyone thinks that I'M the stalker when

      in fact I'm NOT. I am the VICTIM! NOT the stalker! The site also contains

      my Social Security number which not only directly invades my privacy but

      leaves me at risk for being a fraud victim in addition to the stalking and

      harassment I'm currently being forced to endure. I already had to close

      down my bank account and open a new 1 after someone got my Social Security

      number off the site and used it to get access to my bank account.&nbsp; I

      have considered suicide as an option to get away from Dennis. I would

      rather die than go through any more pain in this worthless existence of

      mine. Death seems to be the only way out for me. I have no future because

      of Dennis. Because of him,&nbsp; I do not have the right to live in peace.

      I do not have the right to a promising future. I do not have the right to

      live among civilized people. I do not have the right to fairness.&nbsp; I

      do not have the right to even breathe. The only thing I'm intitled to is

      pain and misery for all eternity. I might as well be dead

      completely.&nbsp; I'm almost there anyway. You see, I am a gay female with

      emotional problems and anger management problems. Being gay leaves me open

      for discrimination and my other problems cause me to make bad decisions.

      Because of Dennis, my recovery and progress is being&nbsp; jeopardized. I

      don't honestly feel I will make it through this current situation alive.

      Dennis has totally ruined any chances I have for a future or a life. I

      have nothing left to live for except my loved ones and I'm about to lose

      them too because Dennis has gone to great lengths to make sure I am NEVER

      happy again. My death is the only thing that will bring me happiness now.

      Dennis doesn't care. He wants to see me suffer. It makes him happy to

      cause grief on me and others around me who love me. At least if I am dead,

      he can't hurt me anymore and I will be truly happy at last. My spirit will

      finally be at peace. I want to die more than anything in the world right

      now because of all this. I have had enough. When I think about how all

      this started in 2001 with a conversation about cats on a John Lennon

      discussion group run by Dennis, I wish I had never joined the group at

      all. I made a horrible mistake by joining that group. If I could only turn

      back time, I would do everything completely different. I would have joined

      another group instead of his and I definitely would have been more

      cautious in who I dealt with online. Now, because of the mistakes I made

      in the past and the false allegations against me, I feel I'm going to die

      from all the stress being placed on me. I have been wrongly accused of so

      many things by Dennis it's terrible. He even claims I made hurtful remarks

      about his dead mother which I don't even remember doing. I know Dennis is

      hurt about his mother's death and I'm truly sorry if I said anything cross

      about her in 2001 but he said some bad things too. I don't recall saying

      anything bad about her but he insists I did. I honestly don't remember for

      sure. Back then, I wanted to hurt Dennis like he hurt me so it's very

      possible in a moment of rage I said something I shouldn't have. That's all

      in the past now though. I have tried my hardest to refrain from EVER

      saying anything bad to Dennis again. I have made an honest attempt to get

      my life back in order but I see now that will NEVER happen. I have been

      going to therapy regularly and even praying more but still I know I won't

      make it through this mess alive. I am going to die. It's all for the best

      I suppose. Death is not an end but rather a beginning to me. I know my pot

      of gold lies at the end of God's rainbow. I can't wait to see my

      grandmother again and tell her I love her and how sorry I am for hurting

      her in my youth. I was hurting inside so I hurt others. I know I was wrong

      but I was young and stupid. Now I'm old and stupid. I am nothing. All I'm

      good for is to be used, abused, and tossed away in the trash. Dennis has

      made sure I retain the position of being trash. He doesn't care. My life

      is over now and he is happy. When I was sent to live at Our Lady Of

      Providence Children's Center at the age of&nbsp; 7 because of my

      behavioral problems, I was abused in every sense of the word which has

      made me the angry, traumatized person I am today. I was thrown out in the

      snow naked, beaten, and starved by the staff members. I was also abused

      mentally, physically, and emotionally. I used to run away a lot because of

      the abuse. While I was out there, I would walk around and wish for a

      beautiful life. I finally was able to accomplish that goal when I met my

      soul mate Katherine and now it's all ruined because Dennis insists on

      making me suffer forever. There is no longer any hope left for me. My

      death will be just the warm welcome to peace I need. I have nothing left

      now. It's all gone because of Dennis who prefers to hold the past against

      me rather than let me go on my merry way. Once I'm dead, all the pain will

      be over. I will be free at last. I'm still hoping he will get tired of

      hurting me and leave me alone but I honestly don't think that will EVER

      happen since he is so fixated on me. Death seems to be the only way out

      for me. All I ever wanted was peace and happiness but I fear can't even

      have that now. Sometimes I feel I should have killed myself a long time

      ago but I still hold onto the hope that things will get better. 1 can only

      hope. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SPECIAL UPDATE! Since I first wrote my

      story on this page, I have been working very hard to overcome all the

      trauma my stalker has inflicted on me and so far, I'm doing much better

      than I was before. I have a wonderful therapist who is currently working

      with me to help me cope with the abuse I have suffered and I'm beginning

      to have a greater sense of self worth. I refuse to let my stalker dominate

      the rest of my life and no matter how many times he tries to silence me

      and manipulate others into believing his lies about me, I will continue to

      tell my story to the world in hopes that others will also find the courage

      just as I have to stand up tall against those who attack them and other

      innocent people. It also helps me to feel better by telling my story and

      getting it all off my chest. This pain and fear I have been feeling inside

      as a result of my stalker's abuse has been a burden on me for so long and

      I feel by talking about it, I will be more able to get past it all than if

      I was to remain silent. Speaking out about this has been extremely helpful

      to me both mentally and emotionally. I have a long journey ahead of me

      before all my inner wounds will be healed and even then, it's possible I

      will NEVER fully recover from my stalker's abuse due to the severity of

      his actions but I will continue to hold on to the hope that someday, I

      will be completely free from the chains that bind me inside this dark

      shell. I'm a firm believer that where there is hope, there is life. I WILL

      get my life back no matter what and I WILL survive what Dennis has done to

      me. It's only a matter of time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MORE GREAT NEWS!

      I just got word that my stalker has taken down his sick website about me:)

      I feel so much better knowing this but of course the scars from all the

      abuse I went through will take some time to heal. I do feel confident at

      this time I will eventually make a full recovery:) I'll just have to take

      it 1 day at a time. Although my stalker states his reason for removing the

      site on his front page, I'm still uncertain of the REAL reason why he took

      it down. In any case, at least now I can put closure to some things in my

      life without him hindering my recovery progress for the time being.

      Hopefully, things will continue to go positively for me and I will be able

      to persue the life I feel I deserve in the future.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UNFORTUNATE BAD NEWS! The stalker strikes again!

      He put his sick website back up shortly after I expressed my happiness in

      the above notice. This is yet another attempt by him to torment me some

      more. I guess he just couldn't resist the urge to make me unhappy again.

      Well, I will still go on with my recovery and ignore his attention seeking

      antics. From this point on, the situation will be handled legally. I can

      not allow my stalker to ruin all that I have achieved in the past few

      months. I have to do what is best for me and not allow someone like my

      stalker to ruin anymore chances for me to have a happy and successful

      life. However, by him putting the site back up again only further proves

      what a vendictive sociopath he is so I'm not all that concerned anymore. I

      can't allow myself to be bothered by such pettiness. Unlike him, I have

      better things to do with my time and I have a life to build back up again.

      I plan to do just that with or without his cooperation. I refuse to let

      this get me down. I'm going to be happy again:) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      MORE BAD NEWS BUT WITH A POSITIVE TWIST! The stalker's helper who goes by

      the name Judith has gotten in on the act now. She created a sick website

      about me containing my Social Security number and she created a defamatory

      discussion group about me as well. The positive side to this story is I

      was smart enough to change my Social Security number months ago so the 1

      Judith has on file is no longer of any use. My new number has special

      security on it so nobody can use it but me. They tell you to NEVER give

      out your Social Security number to anyone because they can steal your

      identity but this situation just goes to prove you don't necessarily have

      to give it out yourself. A stalker can find out this information through

      illegal means and literally destroy their victim's life. Fortunately for

      me, I was smart enough to take special precautions to protect my identity.

      I'm still hanging tough at this time and I still plan on moving forward

      with my life in spite of all the attempts made by the stalker and his

      helper to hold me back in the shadows. My determination and desire to

      survive has increased even more than ever before because of this recent

      turn of events. I know it now more than ever I will overcome what these

      sad little Trolls are putting me through. I just have to remain strong and

      focused on all my goals in order to succeed in getting what I want the

      most, peace and happiness. I'm going to make it no matter what because I'm

      a true survivor:) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RATHER AMUSING NEWS UPDATE! My

      stalker's helper Judith aka "Steffy" wrote me 2 very interesting e-mails

      earlier. They were of course intended to harass and intimidate me but I

      will no longer let ANYONE get to me that way again. Another amusing twist

      to this story is she created her own website which is almost identical to

      this website. She took my own words and turned them around obviously

      because she lacks the originality to come up with anything on her own. I

      just looked at it and laughed because she sunk so low in her attempts to

      get back at me for telling the truth about how she set me up to take the

      fall for things that SHE did. LOL:) I have to laugh because getting angry

      would only feed into her weak little mind games and as a survivor, I

      refuse to sink down to her level. Being a survivor to me means not giving

      into the demands of the people who want to hurt me and bring me down. I

      have to remain strong inside in order to conquer them and reclaim my life.

      So, in the future I just have to keep reminding myself that my stalkers

      are nothing but sad, weak little Trolls who have nothing else better to do

      with their time than pick on their victims so they can feel superior and

      important. They can't accomplish this feeling of importance any other way

      because their lives are obviously nothing but garbage with no ambitions

      and no real success. I also have to remain focused on my goals and ignore

      all of the attempts my stalkers make to hinder my progress. I will NOT let

      them get to me again;) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Miracles Do Happen:) It

      appears my stalker's sick website has made yet another disappearing act.

      While I am extremely pleased, I do hope with all my heart things remain as

      they are and the pain is officially over. Life is much too short for

      people to be hating each other. It's more important to love one another:)

      Now, I would like to make something abudantly clear in my own defense. I

      am in NO WAY bragging or claiming victory because my stalker's site is

      down. For me, this is justice and a chance for everyone involved to move

      on with their lives. It's time for letting go. 1 of the individuals

      involved in the attacks against me claimed once that I used this page to

      brag and celebrate my victory when my stalker's site went down the first

      time but the truth of the matter is, I merely post my thoughts here

      because this page serves as a place to vent my inner feelings. I feel it's

      much better doing it this way rather than taking out my anger or

      frustrations on other people. I know that isn't the right thing to do now

      so this page here is my safe haven to say what I feel without fear of

      conviction. That is all. I didn't create this page to hurt anyone. I only

      wanted to tell my story to the world in hopes of saving others from having

      to endure this same fate and at the same time I had the opportunity to

      express myself in the most constructive way possible without butting heads

      with anyone else directly. I do apologize if my words were taken out of

      context by anyone but these are my true feelings. I feel better inside now

      that I have been able to talk about this situation and my inner feelings

      as a result of everything that has happened to me. I have learned a lot

      from all my experiences both negative and positive but the most important

      lesson I learned is to be very careful who I get involved with in the

      future. Also, I will definitely make sure I know who's in charge of the

      discussion groups I join. I won't take anything at face value anymore. I

      will carefully look into every situation and person I encounter so this

      same thing doesn't happen to me ever again. In addition, I will be

      cautious of those who are out to hurt me but also the very best friend I

      can be to those who are kind to me. This is the only possible way I can

      think of to keep myself safe both online and off. Awareness, courage, and

      persistence is the key to a successful future;) Thank you for listening:)

      Hopefully, this will be my last update. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stalker

      Dennis Strikes Again! It appears my stalker has once AGAIN put his website

      back up on the Internet in an attempt to harass and stalk me just like

      before. The only difference is, the pain is going to come back on HIM this

      time. I plan to legally do whatever is necessary to shut the obsessive

      creep down for good. It still puzzles me why my stalker is still so

      obsessed with me after all this time. My guess is he got bored with doing

      nothing and so he chose to target me again to prove in some sick way that

      he's still a man. It's also apparent he just needed some more cheap

      thrills under his belt to satisfy his thirst for revenge. For the record,

      I got word about this from a friend who's looking out for me online. I was

      informed that Dennis posted my full name in his new groups at Smartgroups

      after claiming they were getting attacked allegedly like the old ones he

      had before which he lost in early 2004 due to the fact he posted my name

      and personal information on those groups as well. Too bad he can't get a

      new routine. Anyway, Dennis has already been reported to Smartgroups for

      his actions so we'll see what happens in regards to the complaint I filed

      earlier with them. The odd thing is, my friend says nothing derogatory

      came through the new groups at all so it's a mystery as to why my stalker

      would claim such an untrue thing. Maybe his panic disorder is getting the

      better of him or something. Who knows? I personally think he just wanted

      an excuse to cause more trouble with me since it appears I'm his favorite

      pass time. In any case, I'm forced to fight legally against this monster

      once again. It's not something I'm particularly pleased with but at the

      same time, I know it's something I must do if I want to have any kind of

      happy, healthy future. I know I will come out on top no matter what

      because #1 I haven't done anything wrong and #2 I have someone superb on

      my side who is working to protect me from this sort of abuse. My family

      and friends are also there to support me whenever I need them. I have so

      much love all around me and this is what will keep me strong throughout

      this current situation. I'm going to survive this just like I survived all

      the previous attacks my stalker has inflicted on me;) If any additional

      information becomes available, I will be sure to post it here. Hopefully,

      this matter will get resolved soon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UPDATE!

      9/12/2004 My stalker Dennis has now decided to try and discredit me to the

      many WebRings this site is part of by posting a message on his slanderous

      website about me pleading for my websites to be removed from them. It is

      my greatest hope that none of these people listen to him and realize all

      the pain I have suffered as a result of Dennis's lies and ongoing abuse.

      As I have stated before on this site, I am in fact currently working with

      someone to legally resolve this situation. However, I'm not at liberty to

      go into any details regarding that here due to privacy issues. If anyone

      has any doubts about anything I have said here though and needs to verify

      the validity of my statements, I will be more than happy to privately

      provide whatever information is required to prove that I'm telling the

      truth about all of this. This is not something I would make up. Recently,

      I created another website to basically tell my side of things and clear up

      all the misconseptions on Dennis's slanderous site. I can not post the

      link for it here for fear Dennis will try and sabotage it but I will

      however provide the link for the website in question to anyone who e-mails

      me privately requesting to view it. To the owners of the WebRings that

      currently feature my websites, please feel free to send me a message in my

      WebRing e-mail or personal e-mail and I will gladly provide the link to

      the new website for your review. I covered all the areas on Dennis's

      slanderous website about me which I felt were the most relevant. A lot of

      lies were told and I feel it's time the truth was revealed once and for

      all. My survival depends on it. So far, I have been surviving through all

      the abuse and I plan to continue doing just that no matter what else

      happens. I would like to note that this is not about revenge or some sick

      vendetta on my part. I'm not trying to play people against each other

      either like my stalker seems so intent on doing. I only want justice for

      myself and the opportunity to prove that I am and have been the victim of

      this Internet stalking mess since it all began years ago instead of the

      perpetrator Dennis has wrongly labeled me as. That's all. More updates to

      follow depending on how things go from here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      UPDATE! Here we go again! Stalker Dennis is up to his old tricks. I have

      been informed recently that he's apparently leaving the country and is

      planning to make a pit stop in Massachusettes before he ventures off on

      his little journey. This leaves me with some very big questions in mind.

      What is he planning to do this time? Why can't he just leave me alone?

      What measures do I have to take in order to protect myself? As of right

      now, I do have adequate protection should stalker Dennis be stupid enough

      to try and attack me physically or in some other indirect fashion and I

      also have many good friends who are watching out for me. So, he can just

      bring it on if he feels he must because I'm ready for whatever he decides

      to send my way. Not that I'm asking for any trouble but I do plan to

      remain vigilant against my stalker's attacks no matter what happens but at

      the same time I realize that I must keep my guard up as well so he can

      NEVER victimize me again. I have some extremely important goals to achieve

      and I plan to do whatever is necessary to push forth into the future like

      I have been doing since this mess started. My main goals are to reclaim my

      life and stay on top of things so I don't sink to the bottom of a very bad

      place. I can NOT allow myself to be sucked into a constant state of fear,

      pain, and self pity nor can I permit myself to be victimized all over

      again by this spineless coward. For the record, I have not done ANYTHING

      to warrant the current threat this crazed stalker poses on my life. As a

      matter of fact, I have been trying very hard to maintain a low profile and

      not repeat any mistakes I may have made in the past by conversing with the

      wrong people. I try my hardest to always make certain that the people I

      speak with are legit and not phoney like Dennis is. So far, I have been

      successful in making the right choices and I sincerely hope my luck

      continues. In any case, it does concern me as to why my stalker remains

      fixated on me. It's becoming rather apparent that he just can't stand it

      when I don't give the desired response he craves as he repeatedly makes

      every effort to get the best of me. I will NEVER allow him to take control

      over MY life EVER again and this is a solemn promise. I can't be

      intimidated all that easily anymore either;) Hopefully, stalker Dennis is

      just spouting off his big mouth once again but if not, I'm fully prepared

      to take the necessary legal action to stop him cold in his tracks. I will

      post more updates as the information becomes available. In the meantime,

      I'm just going to greet each new day with a smile and try to find

      something to be glad about. This may sound corny but I think Pollyanna had

      the right idea by playing the "Glad Game" because it sure can brighten up

      a dark day:) "Pollyanna" is a truly wonderful movie by the way;)


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