My Statement To The World!
I have written this document because I have some important things to tell the world about myself. Since the fragile age of 7, I have lived in a world of pain. All I know is pain. I never really experienced true happiness. I am living a miserable existence which is not worthy of being classified as a life. Most recently, a man named Dennis decided it was time for me to lose my mere existence too and any chances for a happy, productive future. Dennis's Yahoo groups were getting attacked not too long ago and he blamed it all on me without just cause. He claims he had just cause but I disagree. I was set up to take the fall for someone else. I reported his groups for several Terms Of Service violations and as a result, all 13 of his groups were removed. He's on the war path against me because of it. He blames ME for all the foul things that were posted and it was NOT me. I have witnesses who can back me up on this. My first and last name was posted in the groups among other bad things and that is the reason why they were removed. I didn't do a damn thing wrong! Now, after having gone through 22 years of pain, I am forced to go through more pain because of Dennis's false allegations and hate towards me. He truly hates me. The way I see it, he would rather see me suffer for eternity rather than live the rest of my days in peace. I feel at this time, I would be better off dead. Dennis will NEVER leave me alone until I am dead. I'm already dead mentally and emotionally anyway. Once I am physically dead, he won't have me to kick around anymore. He will then have to seek out another sucker and I highly doubt he will ever find another one like me. He is currently using law enforcement and his slanderous website to make me suffer more.  I plan on killing myself if jail comes into the picture. This is a fact. Not an empty threat. I would rather die than be seperated from my loved ones. I would rather die than be violated by the establishment or prison inmates. I would rather die than see my loved ones suffer as a result of Dennis's unfair actions against me. I would rather die than go through any more pain in this worthless existence of mine. Death is the only way out for me. I have no future because of Dennis. Because of him,  I do not have the right to live in peace. I do not have the right to a promising future. I do not have the right to live among civilized people. I do not have the right to fairness.  I do not have the right to even breathe. The only thing I'm intitled to is pain and misery for all eternity. I might as well be dead completely.  I'm almost there anyway. You see, I am a gay female with emotional problems and anger management problems. Being gay leaves me open for discrimination and my other problems cause me to make bad decisions. Because of Dennis, my recovery and progress is being  jeopardized. I don't honestly feel I will make it through this current situation alive. Dennis has totally ruined any chances I have for a future or a life. I have nothing left to live for except my loved ones and I'm about to lose them too because Dennis has gone to great lengths to make sure I am NEVER happy again. My death is the only thing that will bring me happiness now. Dennis doesn't care. He wants to see me suffer. It makes him happy to cause grief on me and others around me who love me. At least if I am dead, he can't hurt me anymore and I will be truly happy at last. My spirit will finally be at peace. I want to die more than anything in the world right now because of all this. I have had enough. When I think about how all this started in 2001 with a conversation about cats on a John Lennon discussion group run by Dennis, I wish I had never joined the group at all. I made a horrible mistake by joining that group. If I could only turn back time, I would do everything completely different. I would have joined another group instead of his and I definitely would have been more cautious in who I dealt with online. Now, because of the mistakes I made and the false allegations against me, I'm going to die. I know Dennis is hurt about his mother's death and I'm truly sorry if I said anything cross about her in 2001 but he said some bad things too. I don't recall saying anything bad about her but he insists I did. I honestly don't remember for sure. Back then, I wanted to hurt Dennis like he hurt me so it's very possible in a moment of rage I said something I shouldn't have. That's all in the past now though. I have tried my hardest to refrain from EVER saying anything bad to Dennis again. I have made an honest attempt to get my life back in order but I see now that will NEVER happen. I have been going to therapy regularly and even praying more but still I know I won't make it through this mess alive. I am going to die. It's all for the best I suppose. Death is not an end but rather a beginning. I know my pot of gold lies at the end of God's rainbow. I can't wait to see my grandmother again and tell her I love her and how sorry I am for hurting her in my youth. I was hurting inside so I hurt others. I know I was wrong but I was young and stupid. Now I'm old and stupid. I am nothing. All I'm good for is to be used, abused, and tossed away in the trash. Dennis has made sure I retain the position of being trash. He doesn't care. My life is over now and he is happy. When I was sent to live at Our Lady Of Providence Children's Center at the age of  7 because of my behavioral problems, I was abused in every sense of the word which has made me the angry, traumatized person I am today. I was thrown out in the snow naked, beaten, and starved by the staff members. I was also abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. I used to run away a lot because of the abuse. While I was out there, I would walk around and wish for a beautiful life. I finally was able to accomplish that goal when I met my soul mate Katherine and now it's all ruined because Dennis insists on making me suffer forever. There is no longer any hope left for me. My death will be just the warm welcome to peace I need. I have nothing left now. It's all gone because of Dennis who prefers to hold the past against me rather than let me go on my merry way. Once I'm dead, all the pain will be over. I will be free at last. I'm still hoping he will get tired of hurting me and leave me alone but I honestly don't think that will EVER happen since he is so fixated on me. Death is the only way out for me. All I ever wanted was peace and happiness but I can't even have that now. I should have killed myself a long time ago.